I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
