your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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