Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
