Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
