if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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