you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
