just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
