The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
