talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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