Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
