Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
