I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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