I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
