You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
