you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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