8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
