Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
