I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm too high and old for this...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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