that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
