...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
