My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
