whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I AM VODKA MAN
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
