We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
