what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
