Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
why is half of my head shaved?
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