Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
