that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
