he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
These tits shall not be calmed
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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