i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
