Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize