She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
