walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
