we should wear snuggies to the strip club
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
There are leaves in my underwear?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
