Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
