Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize