Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
