I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
