sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
