I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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