I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize