when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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