blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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