ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize