Your dad touched me again.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
