also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
