Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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