i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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