i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
