First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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