plz talk dirty to me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We have started to decorate penises.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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