im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
