I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize