Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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