There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We need to get me chipped asap
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
