Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
