I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
