I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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