I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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