just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Acid is not a monday night drug
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
