last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Houston, we have a blender
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
