allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
