Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
